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Monday, November 3, 2008

One Day At A Time

OutKast Or, one day at a day. Or something. Minute by minute?

I am finding energy lacking. Ever since Jason died I've been basically exhausted. I'd never gone through traumatic grief before. Still haven't gone "through" it either. Where is the other side?

I know a couple of you who read this blog are going through this particular grief specifically, and a couple others who have grief of their own. What the fuck is with this universe right now? Am I right? I know "everything happens for a reason", blah blah blah. Philosophical wisdom is all well and good, but it sure can be hard to act on.

My wife and I watch Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab show. I wish there was more of it, less editted. But besides that, parts are very interesting. The last episode had a group discussion with Steven Adler talking about taking it minute by minute. I got to thinking about the recovering addict's daily struggle.

They've got something on people who aren't recovering addicts. Not that I'd say get addicted to get this, but every day, they have to force themselves out of their box, their bubble. Their bubble, their rut, their routine, their habit of using. Daily, they get to break out of that rut anew. They have to decide every day.

I don't know if recovering from or moving through grief fits in with the same idea, but I do know that when everything's peachy keen for most people, they are basically sleep-walking. This isn't judgement against it. Great stuff is accomplished by people living normal lives. It's just that stagnation can rot one's soul.

Thank you for reading my blog, those who do regularly. I hope it doesn't ever spiral endlessly in the grooves of the records on which I paint, hopelessly caught in a rut. Every day, I think about inspiring myself, motivating myself to paint, to be productive. To give my art the chance it needs to make it, to be discovered, to be what it can be and to do what it can do. And having this blog to look to every day helps. It really does.

I just wish I had more energy, more focus. One day at a time. Hey Ya!


OutKast 11/03/08

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