Nothing Is Real

NEMS BUD 280 recorded by iRecord. This fan club release follows the development of the song "Strawberry Fields Forever" from Take one to the "heavy" version to the second version to the famous final version combining the two. So I listened to the song in various forms 6 times. Great song, and cool to hear the differences. Good music to kind of zone out to also. Escape.

I'm trying to stay firmly in denial, or at least emotionally so, right now. After last week, I need to not deal with reality for a bit. I got to thinking about balance again and how anything in moderation is usually ok, but when it becomes a habit or a means to avoid real life, it becomes a problem. What is real life anyways, though? I mean here's a list:

reading, sports, school, art class, piano lessons, shopping, work, travel, recreation, organizing, cleaning, eating, sex

All reasonable activities, yes? Yet all can become escapes, I know. There've been moments in my life when I've used all as a way to not deal with reality for a bit. It's difficult to draw the line. I guess it's all about intention. Like I've discussed before, we are defined by our actions, but those actions always have intentions motivating them. It's up to the human being doing the being human to have good intentions, to have control over why they are doing what they're doing. Otherwise it can quickly become an identifiable disorder or addiction characterized by the action controlling the actor. Not good. So it's important to be self-reflective, to honestly assess our motivations.

Like right now I'm doing projects and activities that, while I'll be glad I did them later as I've wanted to do them, are currently motivated by my desire to turn my brain off and to let my emotional stress come down a bit. Escape. It isn't real.

So I keep telling myself.