Can You See The Real Me?

I love my wife. Holy crap, do I love her.

Today at lunch she helped me feel okay about exploring my insecurities as an artist. I've never totally gotten it. Since I was in art classes from the age of 6 people have complimented my work. I kept feeling like it was merely skill, a learned talent. I've basically gotten adept at copying what I see. I feel somewhat like a glorified copier. Nothing special.

So I've never really gotten why people respond the way they do to my art. I know I'm good at it, but what I'm good at isn't quite clear to me. That's why I am so bad at talking about the art of my art, about where it comes from, what I'm trying to say. I feel like a guy with a clever idea who's good at executing.

I've always left what people get from it up to them, like I'm almost not involved. This isn't a conscious choice. It's how I am. It's why I've gotten so excited about the mindshift from self-promotion to promoting my art. What it can mean for people is what I'm interested in. Me, not so much.

Throughout my life, for whatever reason, I've been a perfectionist, holding myself to a standard I'm sure is higher than other people's for me. While I'm painting is the time my brain is the quietest, leaving me alone. My self-imposed expectations dissipate and my much-practiced hand-eye coordination takes over. It's why I paint.

Is that what is coming through in the pieces? What is?

You won't hurt my feelings with any answer because I don't know how I feel about it in the first place. No expectations or judgements to fail in comparison. So please let me know.

Peace.

Roger Daltrey 01/23/09

Wish List

Keith Moon is another one for the "dead rocker" show at Primitive Kool late in September. He indirectly inspired this list I recently posted. I kinda like lists. They give a cursory picture of taste and background. Early on in this blog I posted more lists because they came to mind then. I wasn't doing the lists, as most do, to start discussions about what should(n't) be on them, but more to let readers know who I am.

Since Jason died, though, I've been kind of a mess. I feel so lucky to have my art to create and my blog to write. Both have been very helpful in keeping my scatteredness in check. I'm so overwhelmed at the continued response I get from my work. And now visitors are getting excited enough to even subscribe to my ramblings. Who I am is becoming refocussed in this universe without my brother-in-law.

With that focus, I pay tribute to my friend Michael who loved making top 10 type lists, and present my list of music I currently want. Pretty straightforward. I haven't had a lot of extra moola to grow my music collection, but bands keep putting it out. Tomorrow comes The Verve's new release. We WILL be buying that. But here're some I know I'd like to own:

Beck's "Modern Guilt"
Wolfmother's self-titled debut
Amy Winehouse's "Frank"
Korn's untitled album
Norah Jones' "Not Too Late"
Springsteen's "The Rising"
Oasis' "Dig Out Your Soul" (coming in October; we'll probably save for it)
Kasabian's new one (when it comes out)

Also, I used to wile away the hours in used records stores listening to CDs and records that simply looked cool or different or that someone had suggested. I know my new friends Barbara and Jeff would have some great ones for me to check out.

So how 'bout it? What would you list as the 5 albums that you've recently discovered (old or new) that you think I oughta give a listen?

Peace.

Keith Moon 08/25/08